Ivanhoe!

Emile William Ivanhoe Heskey has retired from the international scene today, so it seems only fair to take this moment to reflect on a career that promised so much, delivered a great deal, yet still received more mockery than respect.

I remember doubting Heskey when he arrived at Liverpool. I thought he lacked experience and he wasn't the big name the fans had wanted to support favourites like Fowler or Owen. But in his first full season he did a great job, scoring 23 goals and playing key roles in winning the cup treble including the FA Cup - the first trophy of merit Liverpool won in almost a decade. He even had a trademark celebration that everyone knew - although no-one really understood the background behind the "DJ spinning decks" move - and, what with Crouch's Robot and Shearer's Heil Hitler, that was all you needed to be a bona-fide striker at the time.

But when the goals dried up, there didn't seem to be an awful lot else in Heskey's game. His managers over the years, and they've included the likes of Martin O'Neill and Gerard Houllier, have consistently defended his abilities to draw defences out of position, create space and provide assists, but fans don't want that from a strapping lad up front - they want Hot Shot Hamish, they want him to kick a ball that knocks defenders out of the way on its way to the top corner, they want the same pace he had when he was 21, and, more than anything, they want goals.

Heskey scored more league goals in that first season with Liverpool than he has in the past three seasons combined. Not only that, but the style and role of the modern striker has overtaken him. Heskey has the perfect physique for the lone striker role, but none of the technique, vision or single-minded focus of the new breed of Drogbas, Rooneys and Torres-es. Even a one trick pony like Jon Carew has proved more adept in the role at Villa and left Heskey picking splinters out of his backside waiting for a call from Fabio.

And now he's removed Fabio from speed-dial and is focusing on his club career. To be fair he has five kids to keep an eye on (indicating that he's still been scoring somewhere over the years) and he's amassed a personal fortune of what is believed to be around £12 million. With that in mind, I don't know if I could be arsed travelling the world just to watch John Terry and Steven Gerrard bicker like school kids every few months. Power to you, Ivanhoe!